Tuesday 9th June 2020
It has been weeks since lockdown happened in the UK on 23rd March. During that time the whole rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions has been ridden. The same kind you would ride during grief. I thought I had reached acceptance so many times just to hurtle back down into the dip again.
I was asked by a colleague how I was doing. A simple question which usually is answered with a “yeah, I’m good, you?” But today I thought about the answer because working from home for all this time for a people person is getting harder. I famously said one day in the office “I come to work to get out of the house and see people ” which seemed to imply I didn’t need the money apparently. I was just trying to explain money isn’t my main motivator.
So I replied to my colleague. Up and down like you say. I am running out of energy to motivate myself. I know that I need to get back fit and healthy so that I am looking after myself but another bit of my brain goes oh what the heck comfort food and wine sounds like a great idea…..until the next day when I beat myself up and so the circle goes on.
I think the realisation that this is going to be a while yet is a struggle to get my head around. I worry about Mum and how she is coping and how the boys are doing out there, having to go out to work.
I sit in front of the screen trying to get my head around what is on my to do list, I could do with being in the office so you can turn around and ask someone or just bounce ideas off them.
On the plus side, my laundry basket has never been so empty for this many weeks in a row I am so on top of things. I can stay in for parcels, I can make whatever smelly thing I want for lunch at any time of the day…..I can fart whenever I want!! (That is a bonus because work days mostly ended with tummy ache before lockdown) I can turn up to the office without make up, or having had breakfast, I am usually late getting there but I don’t feel too guilty because no one saw and besides I shall probably be late leaving because I know the traffic will not be an issue. I have been flexible with my working hours to fit around click and collect shopping and the time I roll out of bed. My fringe is growing and I can pin it up without having to worry about it looking good, yesterday I had a headband on and was transported back to looking like 8 year old me.
I miss going camping and our van is looking very neglected and unloved. I am not even sure it will start. But the garden has had more attention than usual. So it is all roundabouts and swings.
I hope when this has settled to it’s new normal, we manage to keep the good things and make changes that will help our environment. Not all those meetings we travelled to were needed to be carried out face to face.
I hope family keep up the zoom quizzes and chats.
Most of all I am looking forward to hugs.
What I got up to 